You’re not the Boss of Me! His Story

In an instant! Just that quickly, EVERYTHING changed.

We had been together a long time. Long enough that we were both sure we had it all figured out.

How long you ask?

Ten Years. Yes TEN years! And then… we got married.

Now, I don’t want you thinking any sordid thoughts about those ten years. While we were most certainly committed to each other, we lived separately. I had my full time job and my own apartment. She had her business teaching Ballroom dance and lived with her parents.

During those ten years, we went on one actual date, together, alone. She saw the inside of my apartment exactly once… and that was while I was away on business, and she was feeding my cat.

We were both incredibly busy. She spent her days building her business. I spent mine working a 7:00-3:30 office job. In the evenings I would assist her in whatever group classes she was teaching. At the end of the day, after each arriving to our own home, we would talk by phone. Often until one or the other, and sometimes both, of us would fall asleep.

Life wasn’t perfect. But we were figuring it out.

A Decade later…

10 years , 3 months, 3 days, 15 hours and 20 minutes after our first kiss, We were united as husband and wife in covenant marriage.

Within a month, I had quit my full time office job to join “the family business,” her business, the ballroom dance studio.

There was no easing into it either. By the end of my first month, I had taken on the bulk of the teaching duties: Fifty or so hours a week with 8 competitive students. This allowed her to focus on developing the event rental side of the business; 10-12 hours or more of work, each day, seven days a week.

And we were content, or so we thought.

I was content to play my part, teaching, deejaying, and working as an all around gopher for the business while she made all the decisions.

You would think, with all of that going on, we would have been smart enough, or tired enough, to not add anything else to our plate.

But NO!

Dancing is what brought us together. We had danced as a Pro-Am couple for 10 years, me as the amateur, her as the consummate, gifted professional dancer that she was. Now that I was a professional, why not dance as a professional couple.

And so it began…

At the end of our long, hard days, we would “make time” to practice. Basically 20 minutes here and there was all we could seem to manage.

And then it happened…

It was 10:30 one night, after particularly challenging day, we decided to practice, to work on our own routines, to “REWARD” ourselves, by dancing together for a change.

I must admit, it was not going well. We were out of sync, our communication (leading and following) was a mess. Both of us, each having a bit of a stubborn streak, pressed on, not wanting to deprive ourselves of this “wonderful” together time.

To put this in context, by this time I had been teaching for several months. Leading was a dance skill that I had worked hard to acquire. My teacher, now my wife, was an expert at teaching that skill. As a general rule, she could follow anyone.

Now, as a teacher, there was a level of confidence in those skills that was new. In the short few months I had gained wisdom that went with the knowledge she and others had imparted. Wisdom being “knowledge applied.”

And right there, in the middle of our late night practice, exhausted but feeling we must push through, it all came spilling out. I said something to the effect of:

“I know what I am doing. Would you just trust me and follow!”

It was said in the most loving way… I am certain of it - NOT!!

In that instant, she broke free from closed dance frame and stomped to the other side of the dance floor. She turned and looked at me and said, umm, maybe “yelled” would be more accurate:

“You’re NOT the BOSS of ME!”

Her eyes got big… and welled up with tears.

My heart immediately ached because of her tears.

And we both realized in that moment, that things had changed and had to change.

The roles of covenant marriage, unfulfilled, or maybe not even truly considered, were playing out on the dance floor at that very moment.

The moment everything changed.