Why we do This
The two of us were fortunate… we each had two-parent families, and in the 1970’s - 1980’s that was unusual, even in “mainstream America.” Both sets of our parents, and therefore both of our family units, went through considerable hardships including; extreme financial woes, extended family responsibilities, and even undiagnosed mental illness. But even in the face of those extraordinary challenges, and with the knowledge that it would be easier to divorce, our parents each chose to stay loyal and married to each other. The two of us have discussed our families and childhoods at length with each other over the last 31 years: While neither of us experienced the difficulty of family dissolution, neither of us witnessed the kind of marriage in our parents’ relationships that we wanted for our marriage.
Knowing that we wanted more out of marriage, we began in earnest looking at other couples and marriages in our “circle of influence.” The example of our parents and the many couples we taught, all pointed to people having a shared experience of being married, yet living separate lives. In the ten years of our “pre-married” lives together, rarely did we see in others that spark, that special something, that is evident when two become one in Christ. Neither of us felt “trained” or “educated” about what a truly God-filled marriage could be, but we knew there had to be a way to find out, and we were each so convicted by the Holy Spirit that we weren’t going to rest until we found it!
Most couples that we knew, taught, or even just happened to see, just seemed to be marking time. They got married because they “fell in love.” Then, without the connection to God and each other, that feeling drained away as the realities of real life set in. They kept “marking time” in a marriage that was good enough, without being fulfilled. We knew that “good enough” was not what God was calling us to have with our marriage. We understood that while we could not truly define the difference, if we sought God for the answers, He would provide them.
We sensed God challenging us to live differently… and then He showed us through couples dancing a vision of what true connectedness could be. Connectedness to God and to each other - connected beyond what even Michelle’s favorite fairy tales could conceive.
We believe that our past experiences are what God has intended and allowed, to make us who we are. Our parents are admirable examples of commitment to each other. Michelle’s parents celebrated 51 years of marriage before her mother died. Her father lived another 16 years, remaining faithful and never taking another spouse. Chris’ parents, both still living, will celebrate 62 years of marriage this year. Because of their examples, both of us believe that commitment is an important piece of the marriage covenant. We also know that with God at the center, marriage can be much more than “marking time” mentioned earlier. As we began this journey of making more out of marriage, God began to show us examples of His ways and Truths about that covenant commitment. He brought couples into our lives that gave us glimpses of Godly marriage, and encouragement to: keep digging, keep searching, and keep fighting for Him.
So…this is the story, or at least the “nutshell version,” of WHY we do this. God has given the two of us a unique set of talents and perspectives. In Ephesians 2:10, He commanded us to follow Him “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we would walk in them.” We take Him literally, and firmly believe, as we often say tongue-in-cheek, “It’s almost like God knows stuff!” We thank God every day that He “Knows stuff.” He knows all of our stuff, and He has plans for us that only He can see and understand. He knew that each of the two of us needed to have upbringings that demonstrated off-balance marriages, and that both of our extended families would be riddled by divorce, so that we would each be hungry for something different, something more - something fulfilled only through and by Him.
“Follow by Faith” is the fruit of over 30 years of our mutual hopes, dreams, thoughts, prayers, bursts of energy, times of quiet discontent, and heartfelt longing to serve God by helping marriages. God provides the music in our lives, we are called to follow His music. The Husband leads, the Wife follows, both equally listening to the music, both with unique responsibilities to God and each other. The dance that is married life is simultaneously delicate and arduous - it’s a “triathlon in toe shoes!” Navigating life as a married couple takes: practice, patience, endurance, perseverance, communication, teamwork, loyalty, trust, and stick-to-it-tiveness. Biblical marriage is a holy calling, and it certainly is not for the faint of heart! We give couples a practical and tangible approach to living in, and working together in, the present moment. We use and teach time-tested practices to equip people to have the tools to help their marriages be healthy, loving, and most importantly fulfilled, because God is their center - their music.